ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
