Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
