I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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