"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
