Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
