I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That accounts for only three of the penises
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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