Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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