I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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