listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How's work?
Spinning.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
