He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
