That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
