he wants to bone in the snuggie
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
did you just send me my own nude
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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