The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Randomize
