This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
