So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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