I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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