Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
