im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
