im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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