He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
