You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
