you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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