I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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