she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
