I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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