By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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