i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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