I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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