is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
