it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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