Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
