i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
