He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
