im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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