I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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