Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
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