pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
