i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
