i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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