I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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