the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
