shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
