My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
