she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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