I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
