I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
