why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
