i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
