Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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