I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
