Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
porn star boner night. come get it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
