even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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