PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
