I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
