so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
