we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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