Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
