just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
