??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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