Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
