It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
