Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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