Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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