Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i think i just lost a toe
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
