Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
