guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
