apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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