i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize